For many grandparents, the later years in life are expected to be a time of relaxation, reflection, and enjoying their grandchildren’s company in small doses. But for some, the role of grandparent evolves into something far more complex: becoming the primary caregiver for their grandchildren. While stepping into this new role comes from a place of love and devotion, the transition from grandparent to parent is often fraught with challenges—especially when caring for a child who has experienced trauma.

Kinship caregivers, particularly grandparents, frequently find themselves ill-equipped to handle the emotional and psychological complexities that arise from parenting a child who has experienced trauma, abuse, neglect, or family instability. In this post, we will explore the unique struggles that kinship caregivers face and the importance of adopting a trauma-informed approach to better support the children in their care.

The Emotional and Psychological Toll

When grandparents become the primary caregivers for their grandchildren, they are often thrown into an unexpected and emotionally charged situation. The child may have come into their care due to the sudden incapacity of the parent—perhaps because of addiction, incarceration, or even death. The grandparents must not only navigate their own grief and loss but also provide a stable home for a child whose world has been turned upside down.

This transition can be overwhelming. Grandparents may find themselves mourning the loss of their envisioned role in the family while also dealing with the sudden demands of full-time parenting. Meanwhile, the child may be struggling with feelings of abandonment, fear, and confusion, and could act out in ways that are difficult for the caregiver to understand or manage.

The Complexity of Trauma

Children placed in kinship care, especially through traumatic events, often have unprocessed emotions and behaviors tied to their experiences. Trauma can manifest in various ways: aggression, withdrawal, defiance, anxiety, or attachment issues. These behaviors are not simply “bad behavior,” but often a reflection of the child’s internal struggle to make sense of their circumstances.

For many kinship caregivers, understanding and addressing trauma-related behaviors can be an unfamiliar and daunting task. Grandparents may not have the knowledge or tools to recognize the effects of trauma, let alone how to respond in a way that supports the child's emotional healing. What worked for them as parents decades ago may no longer be effective for children who have lived through traumatic experiences.

Not Equipped for Trauma-Informed Parenting

Trauma-informed care focuses on understanding, recognizing, and responding to the effects of trauma. It requires caregivers to look beyond surface-level behaviors and approach the child’s needs with compassion, patience, and specific strategies to help them heal. However, many kinship caregivers, particularly grandparents, are not equipped with the trauma-informed parenting tools necessary to navigate this role effectively.

Some of the common struggles include:

Generational Gaps in Parenting Approaches:

Parenting practices have evolved, particularly when it comes to understanding child psychology and trauma. Grandparents may revert to more traditional or disciplinary methods that might have worked with their own children but could exacerbate the struggles of a traumatized grandchild.

Lack of Resources and Training:

Kinship caregivers are often not provided with the same training or resources as foster parents. While foster parents may receive trauma-informed care training and access to counseling services, kinship caregivers are frequently left to figure things out on their own.

Financial and Physical Strain:

Many grandparents are on fixed incomes and may not have the financial resources to seek out additional support or counseling for their grandchildren. Additionally, the physical demands of parenting—particularly children with trauma-related behaviors—can be overwhelming, especially for older caregivers who may already have health issues.

The Need for Trauma-Informed Support

Understanding trauma and its impact on children is critical for kinship caregivers, particularly grandparents. A trauma-informed approach emphasizes the importance of:

Creating a Safe and Predictable Environment:

Children who have experienced trauma thrive in environments where they know what to expect. Routines, clear boundaries, and consistent caregivers help provide a sense of security.

Building Trust and Attachment:

Trauma can damage a child’s ability to trust adults, even those who love them. Grandparents must focus on building a relationship that is based on trust, patience, and unconditional love.

Responding, Not Reacting:

Children who have experienced trauma may act out, not because they want to misbehave, but because they are struggling to regulate their emotions. Trauma-informed caregivers learn to respond with empathy and understanding rather than reacting with frustration or punishment.

Seeking Professional Support:

Therapy, counseling, and trauma-informed parenting classes can provide invaluable tools for kinship caregivers to better understand the needs of their grandchildren and how to support their healing process.

A Call for Better Resources and Support

Grandparents who step in to care for their grandchildren do so with immense love, but love alone is not enough to overcome the deep emotional wounds caused by trauma. Kinship caregivers need access to resources, education, and support networks that can help them understand trauma and how to parent in a way that promotes healing.

At the San Angelo Family Network, we believe that no kinship caregiver should feel alone in this journey. We are committed to providing resources, guidance, and support to ensure that kinship families can thrive, even in the face of the significant challenges they face.

If you are a kinship caregiver struggling with the transition from grandparent to parent, know that you are not alone. Reach out for help, access trauma-informed training, and connect with other caregivers who understand what you’re going through. Together, we can help our children heal and build stronger, more resilient families.

Call to Action:

If you or someone you know is navigating the challenges of kinship caregiving, we invite you to explore the trauma-informed resources available on our website. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support, and join the conversation on our Facebook page where kinship caregivers can share their stories and find community.